Five Popular Dating Tips that Don't Always Apply to the Single, Successful Career Woman
By Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman
Successful career women (that I call Mars women) often recoil when they hear popular dating advice that doesn’t fit. Relationship experts like John Gray and Dr. Pat Allen recommend that women not discuss accomplishments on dates, don’t give advice or take the lead in suggesting date ideas or asking a man out. Their underlying premise is that opposite energies attract so a woman needs to be ‘Feminine.’ However, some successful career women have archetypically Masculine energy, including qualities of leadership, assertiveness and decision-making. They don’t want to pretend to be different in a romantic relationship. So, I’ll cover 5 common dating tips that go against the grain of the single successful career woman:
1. DONT GIVE ADVICE:
Ok, so no one loves unsolicited advice…but if a woman is asked her advice on a date, a Mars woman would be straight with a man or woman. And why not? She advises people everyday all day at work, and she has lots of experience and education. Should her opinion put men off? No way! They can still have their own mind but all the better to converse with a confident, intelligent woman, right?
2. DON’T SHOW INTEREST:
The book, “The Rules” made this dating concept popular by suggesting that women feign disinterest, act mysterious, not call men back and appear busy but Mars women are busy and they’re often authentic and direct. They have no time for nonsense or games and if they’re interested in a man he will know it. Many men report relief at this candor and say that’s how it should be!
3. DON’T PAY OR RECIPROCATE:
Dating experts suggest letting the man take the lead in all things dating but a Mars woman isn’t used to waiting around for what she wants. She’s used to scouting out leads, earning results through merit, effort and work. Sure, dating should be fun but if she has funds, why shouldn’t she invest in a new relationship too? This is especially the case now that women in big cities under 30 years are making 8% more than their male peers.
4. DON’T SHARE YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
The old Rules advised women not to share job or income successes because this might intimidate men. Women have long seen the advantage of men’s success so why shouldn’t it work in the reverse? Being great at your career is a positive thing–whether you’re male or female. The right man for a Mars woman will applaud her accomplishments and support her dreams!
5.DON’T ASK A MAN OUT OR SUGGEST DATE IDEAS:
Dating experts have long suggested that a woman not offer activity ideas for dates or ask a man out. Yet research shows that when women do ask a man out, a study finds that 51% of female initiated dates led to a relationship that lasted more than 6 months!
So although most of the top dating experts continue to tout old gender stereotypes, if their advice clearly doesn’t fit you, look the other way and be yourself. There’s a lid for every pot and you have a lot to offer! Single career women need a dating book that affirms who they are -one who helps them find men who will support their dreams. This is why I’ve written, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of Their Dreams. I hope this article reminds you what a great catch you are!
Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a psychologist and relationship expert interviewed on the CBS Early Show, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Men’s Health, and the NY Times. Her book, When Mars Women Date’ is on Amazon. Find out more information at www.whenmarswomendate.com.
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